Caregiver Stress Management

“Becoming Well Again Through…"
Caregiver Stress Management

Balancing multiple roles can be a true challenge. Below are several tips that can help you balance your life while you care for a loved one.

Delegate Responsibility

Don't do everything yourself if there are others in your family who can help. Sit down and discuss what each member of the household (including children) can do, and develop a schedule of responsibilities. Take into account each person’s ability, maturity, and availability. Remember that not everyone can, or should be, directly involved in caring for the patient. There will be other tasks which also need attention. Look beyond the immediate relatives for help. Even those further away can participate on some level. Finding others to handle family tasks will give you more time to care for your loved one and yourself and, thus, help reduce stress.

Look for Help Outside of the Home

If there are no other members of your household or relatives close by, look to friends or members of your church or social group. Often, people want to help but are not sure what they can do. Be prepared to respond to their offers. Try to determine the time, money, or energy commitment they are willing to make and give them one or two suggestions that fit their level of commitment. Some people may be available on a one-time basis to run an errand, baby-sit, or help with a particular household chore. Others may be available more regularly or for longer periods of time. Ask for help with grocery shopping, cooking and freezing meals, yard work, household repairs, driving carpools or driving to therapy appointments. Those living further away may be able to help with financial needs, filing insurance claims, or searching for support resources.

If people offer help at a time when you really do not need it, tell them how much you appreciate their offer and their friendship. Suggest they ask again in a few weeks, or ask if you may call on them if your needs change. You can also suggest they help in some less tangible way such as making a visit, saying a prayer, or lending a supportive ear when you need it.

Be Assertive

Learn to say no. Set limits on your time. Be realistic about what you can and cannot be responsible for right now. Consider asking friends to visit during hours that are convenient for you and your loved one. If you find yourself with visitors who sometimes wear-out their welcome, ask if you might use the time during their next visit to run errands.

Take Time for Yourself

Take time to get away from caregiving for at least a few hours each week or longer, if you can. Home health care agencies, caregiver groups, and hospice programs offer respite caregivers - someone to stay with your loved one for a few hours. Use the time to do something for yourself. See a movie, get a haircut, go shopping, walk in the park, attend religious services, or simply take a nap! It can be difficult to leave your loved one even for a few hours, especially if they are very ill, but it may be the most important thing you do for that person and for yourself. Taking this time is not being selfish. Rather, it is critical in order for you to continue caring for your loved one’s physical and emotional needs in a loving and helpful way.

Discuss Your Feelings

You may find it helpful to share your feelings with a supportive listener such as a family member, close friend, clergy member, professional counselor, or members of a support group. Sometimes it helps to let that person know that you don’t expect answers or solutions, just a sympathetic ear. If you are seeking advice, look for someone who will continue to be supportive even if you decide not to take the advice given.

Give Yourself Permission to Ask Questions

The words brain tumor can be overwhelming. It is not unusual for families to make a visit to the doctor, hear terms and phrases they’ve never had in their vocabulary before, and then be asked to make a decision. Back at home, there may be a flood of doubts as to what was heard and whether it was understood. If you have questions about the information your family was given, call your doctor. If you did not understand something that was told to you, or you have additional questions you forgot to ask, call your doctor. Your doctor believes you understand everything that was said unless you speak up. And, having answers to your questions can be a great stress reducer.

Take Care of Your Own Body

To avoid stress-related illness, pay attention to your own physical needs by making sure you eat a healthy balanced diet, exercise, sleep regularly, and find time to relax. Most importantly, don’t put off your own medical and dental checkups.

Other Stress Management Tips

    * Laugh.
    * Set priorities. Don’t try to do everything.
    * Separate a task or problem into manageable parts:
          -Specify the problem.
          -List possible options with pros and cons for each.
          -Choose a plan and list steps necessary to accomplish it.
          -Establish a timetable and take action.
    * Pick your battles. Not every difference of opinion or argument is worth winning.
    * Relax your need for control. You will save your own energy.
    * Pace yourself. Stop before you become too tired or frustrated with a person or situation.
    * Make lists, and use a datebook or calendar.

Reach Out for Support

Caregiver stress can become dangerous to both you and your loved one. There are many services available which can help prevent caregiver burn-out. Home healthcare agencies, hospices, respite programs and adult day-care services all offer alternative forms of caregiving. The National Family Caregivers Association, which can be reached at 800-896-3650, can help you learn more about those programs. The Well-Spouse Association, http://www.wellspouse.org provides support and information to the well spouses of the chronically ill. And, remember there are medical professionals who specialize in dealing with stress, who can help you rebuild your coping skills into healthy resources. Your doctor can make a referral for you.

This article is part of a series of ABTA quality of life articles, "Becoming Well Again Through..." If you would like a copy of this article and/other articles addressing Rehabilitative Medicine, Managing Fatigue, Cognitive Retraining, or Financial Aid Resources, please call us at 800-886-2282.

December 2009