Third Time and still fighting
I'm Still here Fighting.
2001 I was fell and broke my arm at my daughters 16th birthday party. I stayed around as long as I could since I never got to see her because of a bad divorce. I went to the ER with thinking a simple case and I'd be going home. But God was watching out for me that day little did I know. I had been in the ER a million times working as an EMT-I on the weekends and for hours and hours of training. I never had a MRI in all my many broken bones from I thought was just being clumsy and uncoordinated. I told them I just slipped and lost my balance on the roller skates. They ordered a MRI. Halfway through I heard an oh-Oh. Never a good sound to hear while I was in the MRI. I ask if everything was okay and he told me it was nothing. I could hear other people come in the room. Someone asked me if I ever had a seizure or passed out before. I said "no". More pictures were taken and I could hear even more voices talking. I got asked the same question again about seizures by someone different. Same answers as I laid their wondering what was wrong. I was wheeled in a single room without a word spoken to me from the MRI. I was left there I swear for a day before taken to the Intensive Care Ward were two nurses sat at the end of my bed watching every little thing I did while writing it down. I was ready to go home, plus my broken arm was killing me. I asked what was going on and they said I had to wait for the doctor to return. I said for a broken arm?... I called my wife and told her she needed to get up here fast something was wrong and I was in Intesive Care. She was a nurse and said the same thing I said.."for a broken arm"?. She showed up and looked arm as I did with the nurses at the foot of my bed. I wasn't on I.V's or anything. Just sitting there in massive pain from my broken arm that was too swollen to put in a cast at the time. BY that time a Intern walked by and we asked why was I in here. He said no one told you? Nope!! He said he'd be right back. He showed up which I'm sure was hours, by minutes with a copy of my MRI of my head. Looking at it,he explained I had a brain tumor, Not only a brain tumor, but one that had been in there a long time. It was so large it had pushed my brain to the side of my head, making my brain only inches wide. It also began deteriorating my skull causing a hole a few inches wide right behind my ear and neck. He said I was having brain surgery in the morning. But good thing was the top brain surgeon was in town for a conference and he agreed to perform the surgery. I felt my heart stop right there. My wife started to freak out and said she was sorry for everything she ever said she did from the beginning of the time we met. I was more worried about her than me and the kids. How was I going to tell them,I might be dead tomorrow. She said she's going get the kids and be right back. They wouldn't let me walk into the next room to see the kids or let them in the Intesive Care Ward. I did manage to convince them I had worked there and I was okay to talk/run whatever I needed to see my kids. When my kids was me in a wheel chair and in a gown, a huge temp arm cast they freaked out. They didn't want to come near me or talked to me. I was only given a few minutes with them just along to get a quick hug and tell them I was going to be okay. "Just a broken arm". Little did I know my life was about to change. I had the surgery. I woke up in Intesvice Care right after. I asked for a drink and as my wife and the nurse tried to hand me the drink, I missed it by miles and dropped ice water all over me. Little did I know things weren't right. My tumor was in my celubuim,sinus ,and around my left eye. They said they took it all out. But damage was caused from my brain being crunched up for so long. But the most damage was my wife never came back after I dropped the water. She couldn't handle the truma of such a illness. Later I read 80% of all family,friends, abandion any major truma patient because they can't handle the stress or thought of taken care of a love one for how ever long. I lost 80% of my memnory, lost my abilty to walk and talk. I lost my job as a teacher beacuse they were afraid I scare the kids even before returning healed to work. I lost my driver licence, EMT, and piolits licence too from the Air Force. I think it was five months in the hospital and a year almost in rehab I was alble to go home. 100% of everyone I knew had left and I never saw my kids again. Court orders said I was a danger to be left alone with my kids. I ended up homeless, alone, only able to use a walker to get along. I had short and long term memory problems. I didn't say anything about the massive seizures. I wanted to die right there. Even the VA just handled me a paper of places to call for food and temp shelter. They were even scared of somehing they knew nothing about mentally or phyically.
Today: I have had two more tumors, two more surgeries. I had just been told of a new one in the same spot as the first one and now mayne two new ones in just the last month. I go see the doctor Friday.
I'm a fighter. I'm not giving up. I picked myself off the streets to end up with a Triple Masters with almost a 4.0 GPA with new brain tumor and surgery in the middle of it. I was Asstaint Rodeo Coach of Texas Texh University for over 10 years, National Womens Champion Rodeo Team. I am now a Level 2 soon Level 3 USA Olympic Archery Junior Coach and Para Olympic Archer now. I teach archery to beginners to advance archery students while I train to make the Olypics one day. I volenteer every chance I get helping others. Do I still fight the stigma about a brain injury? Yes, every day. I get called a retard, when I forget a word or something. I cant' find a job because no one wantes to touch a person with a brain tumor.
we might blow up or something".. I lost all contact with my kids. I tired to fight it in court, but no one to help enforce the court orders. I'm still a fighter and my story isn't to bring you down or feel sorry for me. My friends call me Job from the bible. I have God is the only person I need to impress. You can fight this and maybe not be 100% the person you were before this happended. But you'll be stronger, able to stand tall say you beat this illness. It might be a long climb, but I promise you the view is awesome at the top. Don't give up. Your going to fall, have set backs. But you can do it. You can beat this and one day we'll sit around and laugh about it and all the stupid things we did while on drugs or in therapy. But we're members of a club now only a few ever get to join and hand our banners from suriving bascic training. "Your a Fighter" "Your a Survior"
Phillip Edward Barnes