Sandy's Poem

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January 29, 2013

I am 41 and have been diagnosed for over 6 years with a non-operable grade II astrocytoma. The location of my tumor causes me to have complex partial seizures. Below is a poem of what I experience during the ones I remember...

What's happening ... is this a dream
I've done this before so it would seem
Things I see seem odd, how strange my head feels
I open my eyes wide because I know and I fear
I can't move my limbs, or blink or walk
I can't move a muscle, barely breath or even talk
My body gets so hot and my head starts to buzz
Suddenly I'm lost in a world of total fuzz
I want to move, a hand, a leg, try a finger
How long will this take, how long will it linger
What was that thought... why can't I remember?
Is this a dream, my every limb so tender
It's been so long and now my heart is racing
Will it ever end will I ever stop gazing
My body's now changing from hot to cold
This is all getting so very old
Suddenly things are starting to make sense 
Though now my head is making me wince
Did my foot just wiggle or maybe my hand did
Simple things in life we all take for granted
The world is spinning out of my control
Buzzing and shaking taking its toll
Who am I, where am I, I'm freaked out to the core
I want it to end, I can't take it anymore
Once again things start to look familiar
And now uncontrollably I swallow in air
The fog in my mind is starting to clear
Unwanted though it is my eye sheds a tear 
Now I'm so tired I can hardly stay awake
My whole body's weak, a nap I have to take
I'll sleep and wake and start over again
And hopefully my body and mind with time will mend

I wrote this poem for those unexposed to the experience whether through themselves or loved ones... the first question people ask me is what does it feel like... I hope this will give you an idea.