Essence of Us

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May 17, 2016 - Littleton, Colorado

My husband Steve Gaare was diagnosed with a glioblastoma in the occipital lobe after having problems seeing his iPad clearly. We went to the eye doctor thinking he needed a new eyeglass prescription. Within hours our life changed forever. I wrote a poem in September 2016 while Steve lived. Steve died on January 27, 2016 - 10 months after he was diagnosed. We tried surgery, chemo, radiation and a DC-Vax clinical trial all to no avail. He was left mostly blind, full of extreme anxiety, very bad word aphasia, and lost most of his cognitive skills. He never lost his sweetness. He and I loved each other, and showed our love to one another all the way to the end. As strange as it may seem it was one of the most connecting times in our 28 years of marriage. Essence of US Who invited cancer into our house? I didn’t! It entered not by knocking, not by ringing the doorbell, and certainly not with our smiles. It entered with a strong blast of wind and the door slammed shut! It is an unwelcome guest who came to stay. We had no option but to submit to the struggling: Depression, Memories lost Words out of reach Childlike fears Real fears Losing identity And; A monsoon of tears This guest came with a name I never wanted to know, yet I do. Glioblastoma Multiforme. Ever heard of it? Me neither. It changed us in our OWN house. Knowing its name made life tiring, unmanageable and complicated. In time, this unwelcome guest will take away my precious US. But while it stays, OUR house is filled with love, kindness and understanding in spite of it. And; In the end, this guest will not take away the essence of “US”.